i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
