You surviving the open bar?
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So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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