wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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