Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
