I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
