Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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