haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i will never coherently bang her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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