ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
