Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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