Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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