In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
