I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
