where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
