So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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