In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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