i think my tv is drunk
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
