pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
