Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
