If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
