just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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