on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
