I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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