honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
