did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
