I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A+ Viking dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
