it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
