yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
