420 ftw
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
