I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
