first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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