he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
