i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
