and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kissed a someone with a penis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
