Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
