Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
