Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
