I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize