you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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