On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
