You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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