awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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