When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
