Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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