I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize