At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
