It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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