Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
