Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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