That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
