last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
